How are you doing?
I would love to tell you how not perfectly happy my life is in general. I see so many other voices on social media sharing their example of how we should live our lives to the fullest and be successful. All these beautiful images on social media, all these steps you need to take to be happy. My life is far from perfect, I have a normal household with two kids. I do not have a six figure business, I have a steady small business which pays the bills and offers me the freedom to live a life I find meaningful and gives me the opportunity to create an impact.
After 6 years of facilitating clients in their personal and professional development, according to the social media messages of other coaches and happiness guru’s out there, it feels like I should know by now how to live a successful and meaningful life, as that seems to be the expectation towards coaches and everybody in general. Like if we would follow a step by step plan we have the knowledge to have a happy, meaningful life.
Wrong message folks...
I believe that no one can tell you how to live a happy life with purpose. You can only decide and figure that out by yourself. There are so many business strategists, life and career coaches sending their messages out there at the moment promising success and happiness to people which sets the wrong expectations.
I wonder how their life is.
Is there space in their lives for sorrow, feeling ugly, down and sad, disappointment, dissatisfactionand above all how to deal with the uncertainty of life? The core of this success message is that we have to be positive the whole time, have solutions for every illness or discomfort which gives me the chills and is based on illusion.
Life is no x step plan
First of all, life is not perfect (who ever thought that that was the goal of life should travel around the world to see how imperfect the world is). There is simply no magic formula which gives us as the answers to live a happy, fulfilled life.
What does coaching really do then?
What is it what I do then with people and what other coaches do and why it can be useful for people? We listen and we ask. We put a mirror, we challenge and we bring awareness on parts which were dormant. I do not give answers or a magic formula telling you how to life a meaningful and authentic life. I facilitate the discovery of how an authentic and meaningful life looks for them. I facilitate that personal process, helping them to tap into themselves to find those answers for themselves. That is what I believe facilitation and guidance is about.
Being comfortable in uncertainty
What I do know is that we are all living in a sort of crisis. That many feel out of touch with themselves and do hardly know themselves. We are so distracted with all types of activities and screens which does not help us to be present in our lives. To see how we respond to things. To ask ourselves is this what feels aligned for me? Is this the right action I should take? How do I feel about this? Is this what I want? There is a lot of uncertainty in us while the world is going through a massive transformation. This uncertainty is what feeds our fears and some try strong commercial voices try to take advantage and money out of that. The ones who tell you how you should live a happier life: Run away from it.
Discovering yourself and paying attention to your challenges requires time, curiosity and patience. Qualities we have to find with a zoom light as everything nowadays seems to be about being faster, bigger and more.
No, but who said that figuring out who we are and what we want is easy! I believe we are here to learn, every day, and every day we learn and grow a bit more. Also by doing nothing. Like a garden in Winter. It seems that nothing comes to fruition, but the soil needs to rest to be able to nourish the seeds which we plant in Spring. The cycles of nature are there for a reason and that intelligence is where I believe in and live by every day.
Prioritizing your time for self awareness
My advice or focus of living a life which fulfills you is to create more time for yourself. And now you say: “But I have no time, I have so many thing son my plate.”
Well, have you asked yourself if all of these things are important to you? Do you feel nourished by all of them? Do get get energy from it? Which things do not give you energy and nourishment? Do you dare to drop things or delegate to free up some time in your daily schedule to start to reflect and dedicate time to bring more self awareness into your life so that you can bring more self regulation to yourself and start to respond instead of react to your life?
Leadership starts with awareness
Leadership starts with becoming self aware. Who you are, what you need, what you do and how you do it. It is not about leading other’s first. It is about leading your life aligned with your values, enhance your qualities and grow in your challenges. When you have that presence in your life you start to inspire and be able to take the best out of other people. So stop listening to other’s and start to listen to that genuine voice within, no not that critical one, but the one which is compassionate and knows what feels right for you.
You have a gem inside you, which whispers to you, if you can shut up your chattering mind with the should and musts, you can hear that whisper. That whisper is going to tell you how to move forward as paying attention to your voice is the approach in itself.
Is it easy? No. Is it simple, yes.
Do the work and you will be rewarded and it might be very different from what you expect :) Let me know how this article resonates with you as this is my truth and I am open to your truth,
to your soul being